I knew

having an english muffin and juice for breakfast was a bad idea.

Summer

is boringboringboringboring. Well, mine are at least.


Its been 3 days, and it's driving me nuts.

Three weeks

without you is like three weeks without air.

Just saying. <3

I want this

to last forever.

& summer isn't it.

OH

MY GOD.

This is the saddest most happiest day ever.

EVER.

Too

soon. 

Something

tells me everythings gonna be okay, 

and anything that happens will be for the best.

Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. 

Time

I’ll finally be left not-so-speechless

If everything in the world stops for you.

Acceptance

Acceptance is a hard thing. I usually look at acceptance as a way of giving in, giving up. But this time, it's different. This kind of acceptance is sarcrifice, and wanting the best thing for the other person, & hope for the future. If he's happy, so am I. I know I'll love him no matter what happens. And this is also my acceptance that our paths have crossed, and now turn away from each other.

But, hope for the future says otherwise. Maybe, just maybe, our paths will cross like they did these last few days somewhere along the way<3

I wish

I could've walked in the rain yesturday so no one could ask me what I was crying about. 

I know I'm being SO dramatic. But if you liked this kid as much as I did, and if you were in this situation too, then maybe you would be too. <- that was kind of dramatic too. :p

My dad

just found my ipod. He said, "Sometimes, you haven't looked hard enough if you can't see what's right in front of your nose."

WHY ?! :/ 

I can't stop thinking about this. 

I don't think

I've ever cried while writing a letter to someone. 

It might be, because I poured my heart into it,

and left a little part of me in it. 

Nothing

is going to happen.

What a WOW day.

Why do I over think SO many things? I need to relax, yea. But me being me, if theres anything you should know:

1. You'll know when I really, REALLY like someone, vs. someone I'll be over in a week. 

2. I overthink EVERYTHING.

3. I freak and out can't stop talking about whatever is on my mind (if it's bugging me THAT much)

Yeah. 

Think.

Change the way you think about things.

Love always hurts. 

I don't even know

what's going on anymore. Yes? No? I don't know? I'm so f!cking confused. I just want a straight answer. 

I knew this was too good

to be true. 

I trust you

like I would trust a surgical doctor performing open heart surgery. 

<3

Take time to Realize

I think I took this year for granted. Or rather...the amount of time I had spent with them this year. I don't think I savored it. I think it just passed by with my thinking it'd always be there. That they'd always be there. But now, I guess its time to make these last 8 days count for the next time we'll see each other. 

And it took me a while to realize what I was looking for was right in front of my nose. Hmm..and I'm glad I did what I did. If not, I think I would have been pretty miserable. 

I've been so busy,

and too lazy to write. But I've got to say. Today was pretty good, despite the fact that theres a rollercoaster down there somewhere in my heart and a sense of peace somewhere in the same region. 

Being in that room and holding up "The Golden Ass" book, talking to Mr.JH, and signing our initials made me want to freeze that moment and sit in it for a while. Today just seemed perfect, even though, to an outsider, it wouldn't seem like it. I got the guts to do something I've never done before. Which makes me realize no matter what happens, you've got those special people in your heart to back you up. 

Now, it's just a decision between whether to follow my brain over my heart, or my heart over my brain. Damn. 

"Y for me,

M for you."

This

is the worst day of my life.

Worth it.

I've been deprived of sleep since Saturday night. And I've been waking up later than usual due to the lack of sleep. But I'd say, it's all worth it. This week has gone by excruciatingly slow, but it's Friday tomorrow, and I definitely can't wait until Saturday. Then, after Saturday, I can't wait till Thursday. What a month. 

Walls

Hmm...I feel like there's a wall between us. There was none before. And now, there's a small wall between our friendship. That's all I'm going to say, even though, in reality, I just want to scream in the grand canyon and give you a reality check.  

Owls and Early Birds

I stayed up until 4 or 5 talking to Kaylee and Don on the phone and on aim. & the only reason I had to leave the conversation was because my mom came home (long story, don't ask). It makes me: A.) glad that I have friends like that and B.) sad I don't have friends like that at my school. I don't know. I love my school, but I miss being around everyone I've known since kindergarten. I miss being around people I can pour my heart out to, and not get judged no matter what I do or say. And most of all, still be loved no matter what I've done, thought, or said. I miss having people there whose opinions of me never change.



My school and my supposed-to-be high school are as different as owls and early birds. But staying up 10-4 makes me wonder if everything is kind of the same. Even though, I know there's a big difference between the moon and the sun.

I

hate this. So, SO much. I wish I was there, again. I miss it. Actually, I miss having friends that care.

Friends

are the greatest. My two best don't go to my school. So what happens when I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on? I know they'll always be there for me because we understand each other. I can pour my heart out and they'll tell me what they think, everything. It's amazing. I miss not seeing them everyday. But I'm thankful everyday that they're my best friends. We'll never betray one another, or backstab. Yeah, we've been through THAT much<3

Help

me. I don't know what to do. I'm torn, completely. This is something that SHOULD be an easy answer, but it's not, oddly. Why...and more, why me? Sad thing is...I think I'm falling for what I never saw before, until now. 

Hehe, whoops. Just joking. Sorry so sloppy.

This

hurts. A bit. But not so much it could make me cry for hours. Truth can be a painful thing, but its better than false things. It just opens my eyes. I should've stayed where I came from. No wonder I'm quiet at the beginning.

Sometimes,

you can't help but love certain people, hate certain things that you do, despise certain things you know, dread certain things in the future, judge certain things, freak out about whats in front of you, but hey.

Suck it up. 

If life were easy, it'd be boring. 

What?!

Why?!How!?When?!Where!?Who?!

and how in the WORLD, especially YOU, know what I only told four people? 

Dreams

are quite odd. How is it that one person I haven't spoken to, much less even seen in a year, appears in a dream? I liked him back in 7th grade, which to me, is eons ago. I don't even think about him anymore! Gah. I must be going crazy. Or...my unconscious self, that is. 

At Least

What if you kept living your life saying "At least..." 

One day, it'll end up being "At least I'm still alive."

Harlequin

alert.  And why do I do this to myself? It's a far off thing, and I'm setting myself up for...heartbreak, sadly. Why. 

Also, I find it quite difficult to stay within the lines of 'blog' than 'diary'.

blog : thoughts :: diary : feelings

But aren't, in a way, feelings intertwined with thoughts. Think one thing, feel a certain way, and so on with specific subjects. 

Just a thought. 

&&, nothing beats eating 2 chocolate chip cookies at midnight. It makes me feel like a little kid again, and it also tells me everything'll be okay. 

The First.

My life is a harlequinade. I'm Columbine, and I've had many Harlequins, and I know there are many more to come. The Pedroline is my best friend, and Pantalone is the exact opposite. And the clown, let's just say he/she would be there to lighten the mood, by say...teasing? 

Quite confusing, right? Let's say:

Harlequin-the crush.

Pedroline/Pierrot(s)-the friends.

Pantalone-chaotic figure. 

Clown- lightens the mood/friend.